Apple Martin roasts mum Gwyneth Paltrow in hilarious TikTok

Did someone say savage?

BEAUTYcrew Content Producer / April 08 2021

Just in case you needed reminding that celebs are literally just like us, Gwyneth Paltrow’s daughter, Apple Martin, recently took over the Goop TikTok account where she grilled the absolute hell out of the actress. The hilarious video proves it doesn’t matter how famous you get, your kids are never going to think you’re cool.

The clip takes us through Paltrow’s morning routine, while Apple hilariously narrates, resulting in some seriously noteworthy one-liners.

“I suppose the Goop Glow is a part of her cleanse, which she’s been on since the day I was born apparently,” Apple mused as her mother is seen cheerfully sipping on some cloudy liquid in a tumbler glass.

“It’s 8am and she’s been doing this since 7am,” Apple then stated to the camera as she intermittently rolled her eyes. “Just prances around the bathroom putting on her millions of Goop Glow products for her glowing skin.” 

Meanwhile ol’ Gwen’s dancing up a storm in her bathroom going through her skin care routine completely unfazed by her daughter’s judgements.

“Then she gets to work making some more vagina eggs… and candles,” explained Apple as her mum is shown staring intently at a computer screen. 

It’s her mum’s obsession with her lady bits though that leaves poor Apple wheezing hysterically as she tries not to laugh listing off Paltrow’s extensive list of vulva-related merchandise: “Also vagina candles. Vagina perfumes and just everything vagina… and that’s my mum’s morning routine.”

We can only thank God that our own mother’s have never had the inclination to bottle their personal scents, the mere thought of the hours we would need to spend in therapy in order to recover from the trauma would be immense to say the least. 

You’re forever in our thoughts Apple.

Want to know what's on the menu in the Paltrow household? This is what Gwyneth Paltrow eats in a day.

Main image credit: @gwynethpaltrow

Briar is a Content Producer at BEAUTYcrew. She is a self-professed skin care obsessive, always on the hunt for the perfect mascara, and can't go past a plumping lipgloss.